Child Anxiety Counseling: Help for Kids
Is It Normal for My Child to Worry This Much?
Maybe the worries started small, or when your child was still very young. At first, it was easy to brush off as just a phase—maybe your pediatrician even reassured you this was something your kid would grow out of.
Now, months or years later, the worries haven’t gone away: in fact, they have grown. You have tried to talk through your child’s anxiety over and over again, but nothing seems to work. How can you tell if what your child is going through is “normal”, or if it’s something that needs extra help to resolve?
When Child Anxiety Is Healthy
It’s totally normal for kids to feel anxious occasionally—in fact, this is a healthy response! Anxiety is like our body’s internal alarm system: it alerts us to possible danger, and helps to keep us safe. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as the anxiety is happening at appropriate times.
Many kids feel nervous in new situations, or get a little apprehensive about being away from their parents. Sticking to familiar places and staying close to parents help keep kids safe, so this makes sense!
It’s also common for kids to go through phases of intense fear of a monster under the bed, or latest horror movie villain. Children are still figuring out what is dangerous and what isn’t, so as long as this is a passing phase, it’s not a problem.
Healthy childhood anxiety tends to come and go on its own, don’t last very long, and doesn’t get in the way of a kid’s day-to-day life.
When Child Anxiety Becomes a Problem
Truly anxious kids worry about things more intensely than other children, and do so for a longer time. Their worries don’t come and go: they get worse over time, jump endlessly from one subject to the next.
For these children, anxiety can get so overwhelming that it holds them back from doing things they’d otherwise really want to do. When anxiety is overly intense, lasts too long, and gets in the way of daily life, we call it an anxiety disorder.
A child with typical worries may feel nervous about riding a roller coaster at an amusement park for the first time. By contrast, a child with an anxiety disorder might feel nervous all week. She might have a stomach ache the morning of the trip, and ultimately be too afraid to get on the ride. Kids with anxiety disorders have worries that keep them from enjoying life, rather than keep them safe.
Anxiety Attacks in Children
Anxiety attacks are miserable for an anxious child to deal with—and they’re awful for parents to watch, too. Whether you call it an anxiety attack, a panic attack, or a plain old meltdown, the symptoms are the same. If your child is having an anxiety attack, you may notice:
Uncontrollable, sudden crying
Rapid breathing (hyperventilation)
Sweating
Rapid Heartrate
Headaches or stomach aches
A sense that something terrible is about to happen
These anxiety attacks can come out of the blue, seemingly at random, which can make them hard to understand. Other times, the attack might be set off by a trigger, such as getting ready for school in the morning.
Anxiety attacks feel overwhelming and impossible to control, but the good news is children can manage them with coping skills. Keep reading or skip to the bottom of the page for more resources to help kids dealing with anxiety attacks.
When A Child Anxiety Therapist Can Help: Common Signs and Symptoms
It can be hard for kids to put their anxiety into words, especially when they are young. This means it’s often up to the adults in their lives to pick up on their cues, and decide whether to get help. This list of common symptoms can help you decide if your anxious child might benefit from seeing a child therapist:
Frequent, repeated worries that don’t seem to be helped by reassurance
As soon as one worry resolves, another one comes up in its place
Headaches or stomach problems that don’t have a medical cause, especially before stressful events
More difficulty separating from parents than other children of the same age
Needing to repeatedly “check” things, make sure things are “just right”, or complete routines in a precise way
Reluctance to throw things away, even if they have no value
Irritability and anger when stressed or worried
Nervous habits, like fidgeting or nail-biting
Can you mentally check off more than one of these signs? If so, chances are a child anxiety therapist could help your kiddo learn to better manage their worries and experience less stress.
Types of Child Anxiety
“Anxiety” is an umbrella term that gets used to describe all different types of worrying. Knowing what type of anxiety your child is dealing with makes it easier for both of you to understand. If you decide to pursue child anxiety counseling, this also makes it easier to get the right help. It's a relief know that your child isn’t alone. Lots of other kids have been in the same place, and therapy has helped them, too.
Generalized Anxiety
Kids with generalized anxiety have worries about many different issues. It can be hard to pin down one specific thing that is bothering them. Their worries are intense, long-lasting, and hard to control. Kids with generalized anxiety have worries most days lasting for at least 6 months. They may also have trouble sleeping or concentrating, irritability, body aches, and a strong startle reflex.
Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is very common, especially in younger kids. The biggest symptom is a fear of being away from a loved one. This can make it hard for children to attend school, go on sleepovers, or even sleep alone at night. They may complain of stomach aches or illness before school or other activities that take them away from a parent. Sometimes, kids with separation anxiety worry that something bad might happen to their family while they are gone.
Phobias
A phobia is an intense fear of one specific thing: an object, a person, a situation, or an activity. Usually, the fear is exaggerated, and it might not even make sense to other people. Kids with a phobia will do anything they can to avoid being around the thing that scares them. The avoidance and fear become so intense that it can get in the way of life and regular activities. Medical situations, like getting sick, needles, and the sight of blood are common sources of phobias. Animals like dogs, snakes, and spiders can also trigger phobias, especially if a child had a bad experience with an animal in the past.
Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is more than just shyness. Kids with social anxiety worry that they will say or do something that will embarrass them or cause others to judge them. This can make it hard to do things like answer questions in class, speak in public, or do things in front of a group, like eating and playing sports. Sometimes, social anxiety makes it hard for children to make friends, because it’s so scary to reach out to new people. It is more intense and long-lasting than regular nervousness or shyness.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Children who have OCD are bothered by thoughts, worries, or urges that repeatedly pop into their heads, called obsessions. They feel like they have to do something, called a compulsion, to make the thought go away or keep something bad from happening. These thoughts are upsetting for kids, who don’t want to think them and usually realize that something is not quite right. Parents may notice a child has to repeat certain tasks (like flipping a light switch), do something excessively (like handwashing), or has routines that need to be done the exact same way each time (like a bedtime ritual).
How to Help Anxious Kids
Kids look to their parents to decide how to deal with tough situations, so parents can do a lot to help anxious children overcome their worries. Here are a few ideas for how to support a child with anxiety:
Stay calm: as nerve-wracking as it can be to see your child in a panic, remaining calm helps children to learn that they’re not in danger. If you aren’t nervous, they don’t need to be, either.
Help her face her fears: avoiding a scary situation reduces anxiety in the short-term. Unfortunately, it makes the situation even harder to handle the next time. Encourage your child to try new activities, even if they are scary.
Practice relaxing: deep breathing, stretching, and gentle exercise blow off steam and help the body calm itself.
Get enough sleep: Kids who don’t get enough sleep are more vulnerable to anxiety. Worrying keeps a child up at night, which leads to more anxiety during the day and creating a vicious cycle over time. Getting good quality sleep can prevent or treat anxiety symptoms.
Mindfulness apps, like Headspace and Insight Timer, offer guided relaxation and meditation exercises just for children. These can be a great way to introduce the idea of practicing relaxation skills at home.
How Child Anxiety Counseling Helps Kids Feel Better
Anxious kids often feel like they have no control over their worries. Anxiety is just something that happens to them, like a big wave of overwhelming feelings. Many anxious children also tell me that they feel “weird” or ashamed of having anxiety, because they think nobody else feels the way they do.
Anxiety counseling helps children learn their symptoms aren't “weird” or “wrong." They’re having exactly the right response at the exactly the wrong time. In counseling, kids learn that they have more power over their worries than they think. Coping skills help anxious kids regain a sense of control over their emotions, so that they can get back to doing the things they love without fear.
Looking For a Child Anxiety Therapist in Charlotte, NC?
I’m a counselor, play therapist, and drama therapist who helps kids and tweens dealing with childhood anxiety and trauma. My therapy office is located in Davidson, North Carolina. I also provide online therapy for kids across the states of North Carolina, New York, and Florida.
I combine two forms of therapy—Play Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy—to help kids combat anxiety symptoms. Play Therapy gives kids a chance to work through their worries on their own terms, in a non-threatening way that doesn’t heighten anxiety. Children can try out new ways of coping with worries, identify things that scare them, and learn how to feel more self-confident and capable. Play therapy is fun and hands-on, and helps young kids focus and express themselves more fully than talk therapy alone.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, is a form of therapy that has a ton of research to back it up. Studies show it’s highly effective for anxious children. It focuses on helping kids deal with the specific thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that cause anxiety, so that they can quickly overcome their symptoms. In CBT, kids develop the lifelong tools they’ll need to cope with anxiety and worry, both now and in the future.
If you are considering child anxiety counseling, please don’t hesitate to email me or call 704-981-2591 to schedule an appointment. You can learn more about me here to see if we’re a good fit, or check out my pages on play therapy and CBT for more information.
More Help for Anxious Children
If you’re not local to North Carolina, New York, or Florida—or you’re just curious—I’ve written a ton of blog posts about anxiety that give some quick tips for helping anxious kids at home. Here are a few of my favorites:
5 Coping Skills for Kids and Teens With Panic Attacks
Signs of OCD in Children: What Parents Can Look For
How to Help a Child Cope with Anxiety
What Causes Anxiety in Tweens?
Back-to-School Anxiety: 3 Ways to Handle Monday Morning Jitters
